


When Angels Cry

by Sweet_Daydreams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Dean Winchester, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Sad, Their Love Is So, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 04:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18113225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Daydreams/pseuds/Sweet_Daydreams
Summary: Castiel remembers the events that transpired during Dean's last night on Earth, as well as what happened after.





	When Angels Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning- Contains non graphic descriptions of suicide and death.
> 
> Much feels. Big sad.  
> You have been warned.
> 
> Carry on. (My wayward sooooon)

Running. That's all Cas remembers doing. He remembers the exhilaration of running from the demons, the frightened feeling of running towards the car, the horror after realizing Dean was gone, and the crazed running after Dean. The myriad of emotions that had plagued Castiel's mind as he ran that night.

It was a “nest” of demons. Or whatever you call a large number of those vile things. A murder perhaps? That group had been larger than they had expected. Otherwise, they would have brought backup. Cas wishes that they had brought backup. But they hadn't. They had gone charging in, guns blazing like the fools that they were, only to find an empty barn. Then, they had gotten jumped from behind. They had ganged up on him and Dean, and they had both gotten separated somehow. He regrets ever letting Dean out of his sight that night, but Cas had had more pressing issues. Or so he had thought. Either way, Cas has gotten injured, although it wasn't anything too serious. He could at least stumble over to the car and drive away to find Dean, following the increasingly worrying blood trail.

Cas remembers how it started raining just as he got out of the car to run into the woods, as if Heaven itself had known what events were to transpire and wished to set the somber mood. 

But he just ran. He had paid no mind to his own injuries and panicked as the blood trail washed away. When he finally caught sight of Dean, his breath had caught in his chest. He remembers seeing Dean laying on the ground, wheezing and coughing up blood. He had looked worse, so Cas had foolishly felt relief. That is, until Dean had looked at him, face contorted in pain. The world had seemed to stop as he stumbled over to Dean, taking his body in his arms and clumsily shoving his trenchcoat over Dean's shivering form, trying to stop the bleeding. If only he could have taken Dean's pain away, maybe it wouldn't have had to be like this. Maybe he could have done something more than try to quiet Dean as he sputtered out his last sentence, choking on the blood spilling out of his mouth, the result of a punctured lung. Cas remembers how Dean finally managed to choke out that last 'I love you’ before his heart had given out and he had slumped against Cas's chest. 

But most of all, Castiel remembered how much it had hurt him to watch Dean die in his arms, all cold and alone, save for the two of them. It had hurt him, more than he thought it would. His face had twisted in pain as he buried his face in Dean's bloodied chest. He had sat there crying and shouting for help until his throat was raw. 

When help finally had come, he remembers how the people had pitied him as they had looked down into his undoubtedly tear-streaked face. How they had pried his arms off of Dean and had carried his corpse to a car and driven away. And after they had wrapped Cas in a blanket, they had followed that car to the hospital, where the doctors had pronounced Dean dead. But Cas hadn't needed a medical professional's signature to know that Dean was gone. He had spent the night with Dean's dead body, much to the dismay of the grief counselor he had been assigned. They had tried everything short of shooting him to get him not to stay, but he had protested, pleading for just one last night. And so he had stayed with Dean until he was shipped off to the morgue early the next morning.

He remembers refusing to explain what had happened. He had just got up and walked out. Cas remembered calling Sam, and breaking the horrible news to Dean's baby brother. He remembers choking on his words, trying to find a way to say what had happened, and after he had, Sam comforting him over the phone through his own strangled sobs. That had been the closest he and Sam ever were.

Cas remembered the long months that followed, the bouts of drinking, the long, tired nights after which he had dragged himself home and cried himself to sleep. Sam had had his own way of coping with Dean's loss. Neither of them would ever fully recover, but the death had weighed especially hard on Cas. Sam had known that they had shared a bond, but he had never imagined it to be this strong. Dean's death had been tearing Cas apart, and Cas remembers Sam confronting him about it a few months after the incident. Cas had just shut him out.

Cas remembers holding the gun to his head. He remembers how he had filled it with a round of lethal bullets before sadly looking around Dean's room one last time. He remembers how he had pulled the trigger, and he remembered the sharp pain that followed. And then there had been nothing. 

.oOo.

Cas remembered all this as he found himself walking down Heaven's halls once again, following the twisting corridors. He knew where he was going. He stopped, hesitated before he entered, hand hovering above the silver handle that would change his future if he chose to open the door it was connected to. He finally took a deep breath and grasped the handle, opening the door confidently and striding inside. 

He found Dean sitting in the bunker, beer in hand and eyes wide. Dean's bottle hit the ground with a clash as he rose suddenly, running over to Cas and pulling him into his arms. Cas smiled weakly and collapsed, letting Dean support him as he always had. Dean pulled away ever so slightly to get a better look at Cas as if he wasn't really sure it could be true. 

Could Cas really be here with him? No, it must be one of his heaven's illusions. But Heaven wouldn't give him a tired, weak Cas, they'd give him the strong, angel-of-the-Lord Castiel. So this must really be Cas, his Cas, Dean's Cas. Dean smiled softly and reached his hands up to cup Cas's face. He gently brushed a tear off of Cas's cheek before leaning in to softly place a tender kiss on Castiel's lips.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“I love you too.”


End file.
